The Beanstalk
by Coralbug52
Summary: In answer to Sango-sama's Fractured Fairy Tales challenge. Based on 'Jack and the Beanstalk'
1. Default Chapter

The Beanstalk  
  
Disclaimer: Do I own in Inuyasha and Co.? Yeah right. In my wildest dreams, perhaps but I usually dream of flying pigs and dancing babies.  
  
Once upon a time there was a little girl called Rin who lived in a nice quaint lair with her guardian, the great demon lord Sesshoumaru and his icky dogsbody, Jaken.  
  
Now, Rin was a cheerful little girl who, when she's not spending her time following her guardian through youkai infested forests and wastelands, liked to pick flowers in the meadows and frolic in the sun.  
  
One day, a terrible problem arose. Rin was hungry. Oh, Rin had been hungry before but usually when that happened, she would just sneak into some melon field at night and ate her fill while Jaken kept watch.  
  
This particular day however, the Lord Sesshoumaru decided that having his charge "steal" food from lowly humans was just - not - dignified, especially for someone as well respected and powerful as himself.  
  
Being a demon Sesshoumaru didn't have any human money and Pal brand dog food was not fit for a little human girl. He pondered for a long while over how he could obtain some money. He thought about getting a job but decided against it as he was a Great Demon Lord and working for a human was even less dignified than Rin "stealing" food. Then he considered getting Rin to go earn her own living but thought better of it also as that would defeat the purpose of him being her guardian. Besides, Rin was too young; it was probably illegal for her to work. There was only one thing left that he could do.  
  
"Rin, I'm afraid we'll have to sell Jaken." He said flatly.  
  
"B-b-but my lord, I've been with you all my life!" stuttered Jaken.  
  
"So?" said Sesshoumaru flatly.  
  
"Couldn't we sell Ah and Un instead? Please Sesshoumaru-sama!" By now Jaken had broken down in tears in the most undignified manner. Sesshoumaru wondered whether his dogsbody had ever affected his reputation.  
  
"But I need Ah and Un to ride on when I need to make a spectacular entrance and Rin is very fond of them too" Replied Sesshoumaru flatly. Rin nodded in agreement. Ah and Un snorted sneeringly at the icky demon.  
  
Jaken cried even louder and started to babble incomprehensibly. Rin took this chance to lead him out of the lair in hopes of finding a buyer.  
  
Now it must be noted that Jaken was short, ugly and not really the sort of guy you would like to take home on Sundays to have tea and cakes with your mother. The likelihood of finding a prospective buyer was even lower than the probability of winning the lottery but as luck would have it, they met a circus troupe.  
  
The Ringmaster was extremely eager to make Jaken part of his freak show. After a bit of haggling Jaken become Cirque de Sengoku's newest attraction and Rin brought home a nice hamper of mince pies and strawberry jam.  
  
Now not too far from Sesshoumaru's lair was a run down little hut, which housed Sesshoumaru's younger half-brother, Inuyasha, and the ever-loveable fox cub, Shippou.  
  
On the particular day that Jaken was sold, the two canines were in the middle of a very heated argument. Apparently they were experiencing a similar problem to Rin's. They were hungry. Or least Inuyasha was.  
  
"Wah, why don't you just go and get some ramen from Kagome?"  
  
"Feh, like you think I haven't tried?"  
  
"So what's the problem?"  
  
"How should I know? That b**** muttered something about trigomtry tests and no more pocket money to buy ramen and then the wench 'sat' me ten times in a row!"  
  
"It's trigonometry, stupid!"  
  
*bonk*  
  
"Waah! I'm telling Kaede and Kagome on you!"  
  
"Heh, you won't be able to."  
  
"....why not?"  
  
"Because you won't be here by the time they get back."  
  
"....why is that?"  
  
"I'm going to sell you off and then I'm going to give the money to Kagome so she could buy me some ramen."  
  
"You can't do that! Kagome will never forgive you. She's gonna 'Sit' you so bad!"  
  
"Feh, I'll live."  
  
And so it was decided that Shippou was to be sold so Inuyasha could have his ramen.  
  
As fate would have it, they came upon the very same circus troupe that Rin sold Jaken to, Cirque de Sengoku. The Ringmaster looked Shippou up and down and was concerned that he might not have the grotesque glory Jaken possessed that attracted so many customers.  
  
But the look of desperation in Inuyasha's eyes made him incredibly nervous. This was a very hungry hanyou. As we all know, hungry hanyous are very dangerous. So the Ringmaster decided to do the intelligent thing and bought Shippou.  
  
Unfortunately, he gave the last hamper to Rin and all he had left was some oddly shaped multicoloured beans.  
  
Inuyasha had never seen their like before and agreed to the price immediately without even haggling.  
  
Needless to say, this made Shippou feel awfully cheap but hey, what can he do? He's only a little fox cub while Inuyasha is a big, strong half-demon that wields an even bigger and stronger sword. Such is life.  
  
The first thing Inuyasha did after obtaining the beans was to jump down the bone-eaters well to the 20th, umm, 21st, umm, no, 20th century (because since Kagome is still a fifteen year old, technically we are still in 1996, the same year the first issue of 'Inuyasha' was published).  
  
'Oi, Kagome, look at what I've got!' Inuyasha smiled proudly as he opened his hand to show the beans.  
  
'Not now Inuyasha.' Kagome didn't even bother to look up from her textbook.  
  
'But just look.'  
  
'Inuyasha, we've been through this before. I have a very important trigonometry test to take and if I don't pass this, I'm practically screwed for the rest of my educational life and if I screw up my educational life, I'll screw up my professional life and by screwing up my professional there's a good chance that I'll screw up my whole life so just go back to the other side and wait for me there!! Or to put it more simply so your miniscule brain can accommodate the meaning, just bugger off and leave me alone cos if you don't I'm am going to say that word so many times that you'll be in no condition to annoy me until 2003. Got that?' she said in one breath.  
  
'But you could.'  
  
'Sitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsitsit !'  
  
*Bam* *Bam* *Bam* *Bam* *Bam* *Bam* *Bam* *Bam* *Bam* *Bam* *Bam* *Bam* *Bam* *Bam* *Bam* *Bam* *Bam* *Bam* *Bam* *Bam* *Bam* *Bam* *Bam* *Bam* *Bam*  
  
'~bbbbiiiittttttcccccchhhhh~'  
  
Eight hours later Inuyasha had successfully crawled back to Kaede's little hut in the Sengoku jidai. He was in the most terrible of moods. Not only did he not get his ramen, he was hungrier than before and his body felt like it's just been hung upside down and then slammed against a boulder after which it was thrown down a tall cliff before being flattened by a bulldozer.  
  
Worse of all, he traded Shippou for some lousy beans. At least with Shippou there was someone to talk to. The beans wouldn't utter a sound even when threatened with the Tessaiga. He was beginning to miss the little bugger.  
  
'Feh,' he thought to himself and threw the beans out into the yard. Because he no longer had someone to talk to and because he was still very sore from the incident in the 20th Century, he was soon fast asleep and snoring rather loudly.  
  
TBC 


	2. Chapter 2

Once upon a time there lived a little girl called Rin who lived with her guardian, Sesshoumaru and a two-headed dragon-like creature that served as a mount for the aforementioned demon.

The moment this story starts, or rather the second chapter of this story, Rin and her guardian, Sesshoumaru and Ah and Un (the names of the two heads of the dragon-like creature) were experiencing a problem. Rin was hungry. Now, the last time this problem arose, Rin exchanged Jaken the icky dogsbody for a pretty little hamper full of mince pies and strawberry jam. It was a real bargain because not only were the pies and strawberry jam absolutely scrumptious, the hamper also came in a pretty pink ribbon tied in a beautiful bow which is much more than what Jaken came in but that is not the point. The point is, pies and strawberry jam do not last very long and so Rin was hungry again.

Sesshoumaru, for all his intelligence, could not figure out why there was a problem. After all, he thought up the perfect solution only yesterday.

"Just do what you did yesterday, Rin," said Sesshoumaru boredly. "Sell Jaken."

"But Sesshoumaru sama, I sold him yesterday."

"Sell him again today." Said Sessoumaru flatly.

"But Sessoumaru-sama, that means that we have to buy Jaken-sama back or we won't have anything to sell."

It was then that it dawned on Sesshoumaru.

"Damn!" and with that he set off in the direction he saw Rin lead Jaken yesterday.

"Wait for me, Sesshoumaru sama!" Rin grabbed the reins of Ah and Un and hurried off after her guardian.

Now not very far from the place where Sesshoumaru and Rin were standing was a run-down little hut. Inside this little hut slept Sesshoumaru's younger half brother, Inuyasha.

Inuyasha opened his eyes and groaned. For some reason, his body ached all over. Being the not-half-as-smart-as-Sesshoumaru half-breed that he is, it took quite a while for him to remember why his body ached so. Kagome's rapid fire sits from the 20th Century.

"Feh" he said to himself. 'Stupid bitch,' he thought. 'How dare she 'sit' me when I went through all the trouble to sell Shippou for some weird beans so she could have some money to buy me some more ramen? That's so evil!'

Seeing that it was still dark outside, Inuyasha closed his eyes to get some more rest. But he was unable to get to sleep due to a nagging feeling.

"Wah, she's gonna sit you so bad!!" Shippou's annoying voice sounded through Inuyasha's memory. "Feh, I'll live," was his reply. Inuyasha rolled over and winced. Man, Kagome's 'sits' can really, really hurt. Inuyasha is beginning to doubt that he really would live through another 'Sit' ordeal. Fear suddenly gripped him. If Kagome comes back and finds the brat gone, there is no telling what she can do. Imagination ran like wildfire in Inuyasha's mind. He knew for a fact that there are special devices in Kagome's world that could capture a person's voice and repeat the captured words or phrases without tire. Should Kagome let one of these devices capture her voice while she is saying 'sit' then she'll be able to manipulate it to say that damned word again and again and again for all eternity.

Inuyasha mustered all his energy and got up. He had to find Cirque de Sengoku and bring Shippou back before Kagome returns. It's the only way he could remain alive.

Grabbing Tetsusaiga, Inuyasha stepped outside the hut and immediately jumped back.

"Holy shit!" he cried. Standing right in front of him minding its own business was the biggest, tallest, most humongous beanstalk. 'Where the hell did that come from? It wasn't there last night!' thought Inuyasha. He gave it a good swift kick just to verify that it was real. It was not the smartest idea Inuyasha have had.

"Ouch! Ow..ow!!" The pain that shot through his foot and up his leg confirmed that the beanstalk was very much real. Inuyasha looked up the beanstalk that seemingly reached the heavens. Curiosity gripped him like a vice-like gripping thing. Forgetting his pain and Shippou, Inuyasha began to climb up the beanstalk.


	3. Chapter 3

Ladida!! 'Inuyasha' is a work of fiction created by Rumiko Takahashi who rocks my world! I think Mother Goose may have had a hand with this chapter.

Next chapter will not start with once upon a time, I promise!

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Once upon a time there was a little girl called Rin who sat on the back of a two headed dragon and watched her guardian, the stunningly handsome white-haired Demon Lord, Sesshoumaru, as he negotiated with a man dressed in a funny kimono.

In actuality, Sesshoumaru was doing nothing of the sort. 'Negotiate' was a new word that Rin had learnt recently and simply wanted to use it in a sentence.

Sesshoumaru glared at the man in the strange clothes. The Ringmaster of Cirque de Sengoku, for it was he, cowered before the Demon Lord but only very slightly. It will not do well to show fear in front of this tall, cruel-looking man. Under normal circumstances, the Ringmaster, who was a very sensible man, would have given the Demon Lord what he demanded so that the Lord would be on his way and leave off intimidating him with that stone cold glare. But this was no normal circumstance, reasoned the Ringmaster, much was at stake.

The circus troupe had been making its merry way towards Osaka that day and the Ringmaster was busy dreaming of the profits he would make in that bustling city. He thought about the number of hampers that he could buy with that money, all filled with mince pies and an assortment of fruit jams and decorated with ribbons of various colours. Maybe he'd even get one with a jar of coffee and a novelty butter knife.

All of a sudden, a white-haired young man with purple face marks and an elegant silk kimono blocked his path and demanded his most prized possession. The Ringmaster gasped when he understood that this Demon Lord wanted the star of the freak show, Jaken the Icky Bumpy Thing.

Sensing that the loss of Jaken would mean no hampers, especially the ones that come with coffee, the Ringmaster did a most unbelievable, most courageous, most foolish thing; he stood up to Sesshoumaru.

"You...y...you see m'lord," stuttered the Ringmaster, "Jaken is our m...m...main a...attraction and without him, I...I am...I'm af...f...fraid that we'll b...b...b...be out of b...business."

Sesshoumaru glared.

The Ringmaster cowered.

Sesshoumaru arched an eyebrow menacingly.

The Ringmaster's knees wobbled.

Sesshoumaru slowly but deliberately placed a clawed hand on the hilt of Toukijin and the Ringmaster began to ponder that maybe being out of business isn't so bad, considering the alternative, when a sobbing, raspy voice spoke behind him.

"Oh, oh, oh, Sesshoumaru-sama!" wheezed Jaken as he came running towards Sesshoumaru. "When I heard that there was a delay because of a demon, I knew! Oh, I just knew that you would come for me!" Jaken sobbed in happiness and loudly blew his nose in his sleeve.

Sesshoumaru toyed with the idea of making a run for it, leaving Jaken with the troupe forever.

"Of course Sesshoumaru-sama will come for Jaken-sama," piped Rin. "For how will Rin eat mince pies if there's no Jaken-sama for Rin to sell?"

Jaken gave Rin a wounded look. Sesshoumaru turned and walked off with a carefully executed air of disinterest.

"Hurry Jaken-sama," cried Rin as she tugged on the reins. Jaken gave an indecipherable sound of panic and scrambled on to Ah and Un and soon the dragon creature was tottering off after the Demon Lord leaving the Ringmaster to thank his lucky stars that he was still alive.

Now not far from where this incident took place and quite some miles above ground level, Inuyasha, the younger half brother of Sesshoumaru, who also had white hair but was ever slightly less handsome and stunning than the elder sibling, was climbing up a beanstalk so huge it could surely win the grand prize at any county fair.

Inuyasha climbed and climbed and climbed. After several hours of climbing, Inuyasha reached the top and found himself in a strange land where everything is gigantic. The leaf of the beanstalk on which Inuyasha stood leaned against a wall near a window. He jumped onto the window sill and looked around.

On one side, Inuyasha could see a quaint English style garden with silverbells, cockle shells and pretty maids all in a row. On the other side of the window sill, is a country styled kitchen with pretty fruit stencilled in the walls in pastel colours, honey coloured cabinets, a wooden dining table and chairs decorated with folk art and along the window sill near where Inuyasha stood, grew thyme and basil in little metal buckets (well, little as buckets go in this world of gigantism, they were still bigger than our red-clad hero).

Normally, Inuyasha would be alarmed at the size of everything and at the fact that he knew the garden was English styled and that he understood what folk art is. But everything was in keeping with the giant beanstalk and it all sort of made sense in a weird, strange way so Inuyasha decided that there was absolutely no cause for alarm.

Someone came into the room and Inuyasha hid behind the basil bucket. A giant woman walked in and sat on a painted chair. She was slightly muddy and sweaty and it seemed that she had been doing some gardening. The woman sat there for a short while fanning herself with her straw hat and then stood up and went to the counter quite close to the window. She took a cookie from the cookie jar and then fiddled with the knobs on a black box next to the jar.

"I want to change the world! _Nido to mayowanai_..." the black box boomed.

Inuyasha's hair bristled.

He recognised it all too well; after all, it starred in one of his nightmares. It was that cursed device from Kagome's time that has the ability to capture and repeat one's voice. If Kagome should ever get hold of one...Inuyasha growled softly.

'No,' he thought, Kagome must never get her hands on one. It was then that Inuyasha decided that the black box must die!

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	4. Chapter 4

The Beanstalk chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own 'Inuyasha'. Rumiko Takahashi has this privilege. I may have nicked an idea from June Factor's _'Far out, Brussels sprout!_' or _'All right, Vegemite_!' or one of her books, I forget which. The Speckled Hen is my creation and frankly, I think she kicks ass!

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Inuyasha only had to wait about half an hour when the giant woman turned off that awful black box, put on her straw hat and walked out of the kitchen.

He waited for a few more minutes for good measure and then sprang out from behind the basil bucket and hopped in front of the black box. He unsheathed Tessaiga and prepared to wreak havoc on the unsuspecting device.

"_Kaze no ki_..." Inuyasha stood frozen with his sword in midair. Something had caught his eye. Something infinitely interesting.

Next to the black box was a small wicker basket (again, 'small' is used relative to the other items in this giant world; the basket was huge compared to Inuyasha). Inside the basket were eggs of various sizes but these weren't ordinary eggs, these eggs came in a variety of colours: red, blue, gold, pink, green...wait a minute, gold? Gold?

Inuyasha rubbed his eyes and looked again. The golden eggs were still there.

"Holy shit!" Inuyasha cried to himself. He wondered how much Kagome would get if she were to sell one of those eggs. He did some quick calculations in his head but since Mathematics was never his strong point his calculations went something like this: Kagome sells gold egg for lots of money, lots of money buys lots of Ramen, lots of Ramen for Inuyasha, everyone is happy!

Inuyasha lost interest in the evil black box, after all, with all the ramen he's going to get, he can afford to bribe Kagome with one or two cup ramen. She would be so pleased and grateful that she would not have the heart to use the black box against him.

'Yeah, right!' he thought. Better be safe than sorry.

" _Kaze no kizu,_" he yelled as he struck. The black box crackled and lashed out bolts of electricity. Inuyasha jumped out of the way and struck again. Smoke billowed out of the device signalling its demise. Then it went still.

"Heh," said Inuyasha, "That'll teach you, Kagome!"

Inuyasha climbed into the basket and selected the biggest gold egg he could find. He lifted the egg above his head and tottered towards the beanstalk. For something that was supposed to be solid gold, the egg was surprisingly light but Inuyasha did not dwell on it too much. All the easier for him to carry, was his reasoning.

When Inuyasha was just about to hop onto the topmost leaf of the beanstalk, he dropped the egg. There was a sickening 'crack' as the egg hit the ground.

He groaned as he jumped to the ground to survey the damage. To his shock, the egg was hollow. That would explain the light weight. But what shocked him even more was that only the shell was gold. The rest of the egg was brown in colour. Inuyasha sniffed at a brown shrapnel of egg. The smell was oddly familiar. He braved a nibble and discovered that the egg was made of 'chocolate', a food that Kagome sometimes brought back for Shippou and Sango. She called it 'comfort food'. Well, Inuyasha failed to see the comfort when a solid gold egg turned out to be hollowed chocolate. It must've been a dud.

Inuyasha decided to climb back up the beanstalk to grab another gold egg when he sensed a presence behind him. He turned around and immediately unsheathed Tessaiga as his body went into a defensive stance.

The Speckled Hen stared at the strange looking mouse in front of her. In all her life, she had known mice to be grey, black and sometimes even white. This white mouse, because surely it must be white, what with all the white, overgrown fur on its head, also had red fur covering most of its body. The Speckled Hen concluded the red bit to be fur as no feathers would grow in such a disgraceful manner, all bunched up like that in the hind legs. She cocked her head as she stared at the odd mouse a bit more.

"I'm no judge of mouse beauty," said the Hen, "but I have to say that you are one ugly mouse," and with that she turned and walked away.

Of course, Inuyasha, being part dog and part demon without a drop of chicken blood in him, did not understand Chicken-Speak; all he heard was a lot of clucking from the Hen. He breathed a sigh of relief when the Hen seemed to lose interest in him. He started to climb the beanstalk to grab another egg when he thought to himself, 'why settle for an egg when I could have the chicken? That's a lifetime supply of Ramen!'

Inuyasha turned and chased after the Hen calling out, "Here chicky, chicky, chicky. Here chick-chick!"

The Hen stopped and turned to the face Inuyasha. He poked her with his sword, taking care not to strike too hard as he wanted the chicken very much alive.

The Speckled Hen frowned at the ugly mouse that was currently unceremoniously poking her with an odd-looking twig.

"Look, I know I called you ugly but hey, as I said, I'm no judge of mouse beauty. I'm sorry if I offended you."

Inuyasha continued to attack her with Tessaiga.

"Now, really! This is a bit much. I already apologised. Hey, stop that!"

"Hah, you silly, overgrown chook! Take that! Your clucking won't save you! You're coming with me!"

The Hen, understandably, did not comprehend Dog or Demon-Tongue, it was all Mouse to her which was probably a good thing for Inuyasha. But it seems that he had already gone too far.

"Okay, that's it! Ugly or no, you're pissing me off!" and the Speckled Hen retaliated.

Inuyasha just managed to jump aside as the giant chicken brought her beak down. He hardly had the time to take a breath when the beak came down again.

'Damn, the chicken's fast,' thought Inuyasha as he tried to dodge the chicken. The Hen proved to be a mercilessly foe as she pecked Inuyasha a few times before she deemed him to be sufficiently ass-kicked.

"Let that be a lesson to you, Stupid Mouse, to pick on someone your own size," and the Hen waddled off. Inuyasha had never felt more hen-pecked in his life.

"Stupid, bitchy Chicken!"

It was quite some time later when Inuyasha stepped on to the window sill again. He hid behind the thyme bucket (he decided he didn't like the smell of basil) and licked his wounds. From his new vantage point, he noticed something he wasn't able to see from behind the basil bucket. One of the cabinet doors across the counter was slightly ajar and Inuyasha was able to glimpse (bring in the Hallelujah chorus) a giant size cup of ramen! Wow, this was even better than the gold egg!

Inuyasha glanced around to check the whereabouts of the giant woman and the chicken. The woman was digging near the fence at the far end of the garden. Another giant walked by the fence and asked casually, "Mary, how does your garden grow?"

"Up, stupid!" replied 'Mary' without even glancing up at her visitor. It seems that 'Mary' was every bit as bitchy as the Hen she kept. The Hen in question was a few metres away from 'Mary' scratching at a bit of dirt. Both should be busy for quite awhile.

Inuyasha scrambled across the counter and hopped into the cabinet. He wrapped his arms around the cup ramen and tried to lift it but he could not even get his arms around it fully. The cup ramen was too big and unwieldy to be carried back like that. Inuyasha took off his red kimono top and tore it into long strips. He tied the ends of the strips together to form one extra long rope and then tied the rope around the cup ramen. He tied the other end to his waist and proceeded to drag the rope across the counter.

After much tugging, Inuyasha managed to reach the window. He hopped onto the window sill and pulled the cup ramen up until it stood beside him. Then the giant woman walked in.

The first thing 'Mary' saw was her lunch on the window sill when it had no business being there. Then she noticed the ugly white and red mouse next to it (although if you asked her, she'll admit that she is no judge of mouse beauty).

"Eek! Mouse!" she shouted. She grabbed a broom and began to hit the window sill hoping to squash the mouse.

Inuyasha panicked as he saw the broom come smashing down. He quickly jumped on to the leaf of the beanstalk and pulled the ramen after him. As we all know, beanstalk leaves and leaves of any plant for that matter are nowhere near as sturdy as window sills. When Inuyasha started to tug on the rope, the leaf gave way and tilted downwards and Inuyasha suddenly found himself falling...

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Yay! One chapter left!


	5. Chapter 5

**The beanstalk chapter 5**

**Disclaimer: Inuyasha and co. = not my property. **

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As Inuyasha fell through the sky, his only thought was 'Where the hell is my humungous ramen?'

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"He's been like that since I got back," said Kaede to Kagome. The two mikos watched the unconscious hanyou with concern. "He was flailing his arms and legs quite a fair bit too."

"He's saying 'ramen' an awful lot, will he be alright?" asked Kagome. She secretly hoped that it wasn't her rapid fire sits that had finally caused Inuyasha to go insane.

"Who knows? By the way, I found these just outside my hut." Kaede opened her hands to show the younger girl the oddly shaped, oddly coloured beans. Kagome's eyes immediately lit up with recognition.

"Oh, those are jelly beans. I brought a packet of them from my time but lost it during our travels. I must've left it at one of our campsites. How did these get here?"

"Who knows?" said Kaede again as she absentmindedly popped one in her mouth.

"Where's my ramen?" Shouted Inuyasha as he opened his eyes and bolted upright.

"At the bone eaters' well. What happened? Why are you sprawled on the floor? You're not still sore are you?" asked Kagome, her voice filled with concern.

"Huh? Kagome? Kaede-baachan too. Where's the giant beanstalk?"

"What beanstalk? Have you been dreaming?"

Inuyasha got up and rushed out of the dingy little hut. Sure enough, the yard was bare and the giant beanstalk was no longer there.

'That was one weird dream,' he thought and then he remembered something important. He turned to Kagome and asked "Did you just say that there's ramen at the well?"

Kagome smiled sheepishly at him.

"Yes. I felt kind of bad about saying that word so many times. I was stressed out and you were being annoying but I didn't mean to go that far. I brought three cases of ramen as an apology. But they're still at the well because I couldn't carry them all."

"I'll carry them!" cried Inuyasha. Then he sort of huffed at her and said, "Fine, apology accepted just don't do it again."

"If you stop annoying me when I need to study, I'll stop 'sitting' you. Oops! Sorry Inuyasha, slip of the tongue."

"_Kagom_e! I just told you to stop it!" Inuyasha dragged himself from the ground and headed towards the bone eaters' well. He would've shouted at Kagome some more but ramen comes first.

"I'll boil us some water then, shall I?" sighed Kaede to herself as she watched the two youngsters walk off. She popped another bean in her mouth. 'These are good,' she thought. 'Very good.'

"Oh, by the way," said Kagome as they came upon the clearing in the forest with the well. Inuyasha spied some figures moving behind some trees at the other side of the clearing.

"Do you know where Shippou is? I haven't seen him at all."

Inuyasha froze. He had forgotten all about Shippou. His mind raced through a multitude of excuses trying to select the one excuse that both sounded plausible and won't result in another bout of rapid fire 'sits'.

"Wah! Kagome, you're back!"

"Hi, Kagome-chan!"

"Welcome back, Kagome-sama, I trust your examinations went well?" Miroku stepped out from behind the trees and into the clearing followed by Sango who held a very disgruntled looking Shippou. When they approached Kagome, Shippou leapt out of Sango's arms and into Kagome's embrace.

"What's wrong, Shippou?"

"We found him with a circus troupe."

"Houshi-sama tried to con them out of their possessions right down to the kimono the Ringmaster was wearing." Sango glared at the monk.

"Well, it was a very interesting kimono, it would've fetched a pretty penny. We might have gotten our money back."

"The poor man was out of business."

"That didn't stop him from haggling over Shippou. We had to pay him more than half of what we earned from the extermination."

"You overcharged the poor village. It was a little rat demon. I could've taken it on with one hand tied behind my back!"

"And I don't doubt that, Sango dear, but aren't you glad I charged what I did? We mightn't have had enough to buy Shippou otherwise." Miroku flashed Sango a dazzling smile. She blushed and looked away. She could never win an argument against his logic and his smiles.

"Why were you with a circus troupe, Shippou?" asked Kagome. The fox cub glared at Inuyasha who was trying to make a discreet getaway during the banter between the monk and the exterminator.

"He..." started the furious fox cub as he pointed one shaky finger at the hanyou, "He SOLD me for a couple of lousy beans!"

The clearing became very still. Somewhere in the distance, Inuyasha could hear a crow cawing. It did not bode well. He quickly threw his body flat on the ground and covered his sensitive ears. It only slightly muffled the sounds of the shrill 'Sits' Kagome forced out after taking a very deep breath. It will take a few days for the pain to subside and a few more days for Kagome to cool down from her anger enough to permit him to partake in his precious ramen.

Looking back though, Inuyasha had to admit that, rapid fire sits aside, it all ended well. The beanstalk was gone from the yard (or never there in the first place), Kagome passed her trigonometry test, Shippou was back from the circus troupe and Inuyasha got his ramen, eventually. Yep, all's well that ends well.

The End.

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**Epilogue**

Once a upon a time, deep in the forest, there lived a stunningly gorgeous Demon Lord called Sesshoumaru. He was blessed with beautiful white hair that sometimes gleamed silver in the moonlight, two awe-inspiring swords at his side (no need for others to know that one of the swords didn't actually kill), a magnificent steed with two dragon heads and his own personal fanclub comprising a cute, adorable girl called Rin and Jaken who was neither cute nor adorable or even a girl and best left unmentioned.

Sesshoumaru also had superior intelligence. He was so brilliant that he even managed to think of a perfect solution to Rin's hunger. Yes, this new perfect solution was even more perfect than his previous perfect idea of selling Jaken.

"Jaken," he said in his calm, cool baritone voice. "You are hereby responsible for Rin's hunger. Make sure she eats healthy meals three times a day, every single day." He turned and walked off to patrol his lands.

"Jaken-sama, I'm hungry. What's for lunch?"

Yes, the art of delegation is a very important skill for Demon Lords and Jaken could feel a headache coming on.

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AN: Woohoo! I started this story back in 2002, put it aside, found it but forgot where I was going with it, remembered it and then forgot my password. I started a new account and then remembered my old password and then I got around to actually finishing it in 2009. The point is, I finished it!

Reviews would be lovely! They feed my ego. My ego's name is Wally. Yes, I name my ego (trying to see if I could start a trend) and if I get desparate enough, I can start a "Feed Wally" or "Save Wally" campaign.


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